I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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