u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
