3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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