You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
