i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
