Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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