remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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