A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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