The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
