I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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