also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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