Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
