You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
