I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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