Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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