so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
