i think my mom watched the whole time
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
