I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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