If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hippo gnu deer
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
