He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
