I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
