Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
