First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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