You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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