The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
