my mouth tastes like poor choices
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
