I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize