I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
