You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
