dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
