guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Can you repeat that, but with context?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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