i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
