It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We left an ass print on the piano.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
