I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
