so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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