Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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