Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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