He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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