Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
