we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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