i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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