i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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