I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
