shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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