Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Small penises have feelings too.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
