fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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