I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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