he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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