I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
