I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
