I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
