There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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