new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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