She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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