How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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