i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
