On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
