They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
