Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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