i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
