there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
