Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
