are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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