you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Randomize
