just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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