I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
it glows. i had to have it.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
