I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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