Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
she woke up with a sticky ear
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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