man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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