Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
