He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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